zora said there are years that have answers

but I can only find them in fugitive windows of time

night constellations stringing my insomnias

into a garland

of anxieties that begged articulation

pleaded with me to chase the frames

to find the ways of seeing

(did we ever learn to do that?)

until one moment one night perhaps an incipient morning even as if those demarcations absolve us of something

something breaks quietly imperceptibly and gently spills

an offering at my feet

a surfeit of words

that write me

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…so that a long series of verbal contentions (my “politenesses”) may suddenly explode into some generalized revulsion: a crying jag (for instance), before the other’s flabbergasted eyes, will suddenly wipe out all the efforts (and the effects) of a carefully controlled language. I break apart:

Connais donc Phèdre et toute sa fureur.
Now you know Phaedra and all her fury.

—Roland Barthes, A Lover’s Discourse: Fragments